o "A real man doesn't get pushed around by a woman!"

o "She's so hot... why haven't you had sex with her yet?"

o "Guys like feminine women better"

o "Real men don't cry"

o "Don't be such a tomboy!"

o "Fight like a man!"


Gender has everything to do with dating violence. Attitudes 
about men and women play a big role in allowing dating violence 
to continue. Society puts all kinds of pressure on boys and 
girls right from the day they are born. They are overloaded 
with messages from popular culture, the media and sometimes 
their families about how they should behave and what it means 
to be a man or a woman.  Real men don't cry, real men take 
charge, they're tough, strong, breadwinners, they know how to 
fight, they are aggressive and unemotional. Some boys learn 
that being a man means dominating or controlling their 
girlfriend or wife. Our society encourages men to see their 
girlfriends as their possessions and to see sex as a 
kind of competition.  

Girls and women are also influenced by social expectations. 
Girls are taught they should be passive and should try to 
please others rather than think of their own needs. Our 
society encourages girls to believe that their relationship 
is the most important thing in their lives, or that they 
are worthless without a boyfriend.  

These beliefs affect dating and the role of the abuser and 
the abused when violence occurs. These different expectations 
about how men and women should behave explain why it is most 
commonly boys or men who are abusive in relationships. Our 
society teaches men to dominate. Men come to believe that power 
and control is a part of masculinity. Violence becomes a way 
that men earn respect, make an impact and get what they want. 
But not all men are violent.  We must remember that 
violence is a choice. It takes courage to be yourself and 
stand up against stereotypical beliefs about men, women and 
relationships. Talking about gender roles and how they 
influence our behaviour is the first step to increasing our 
awareness about gender issues and understanding the roots of 
violence toward women.