- It is important to remember that it is no one's  
  responsibility to help the abuser get help for 
  his abusive behaviour except himself, but, be 
  supportive if he does want to change his behaviour 
  and seeks help. No one can change the abuser's 
  behaviour. The abuser must be willing to change 
  and accept responsibility for his behaviour.

- Encourage the abuser to get help. Help him to 
  realize he is responsible for his behaviour, 
  that no one deserves to be abused.

-  Do not judge or attack the abuser for his 
   behaviour. Let him know it will probably 
   happen again and may be worse the next 
   time.

- Stand by him as a friend if he accepts 
  responsibility for his actions and gets 
  help.

- When talking to the abuser do not let the person 
  deny or minimize the violence. Confront your 
  friend and name abusive attitudes and 
  behaviours when you see them.

- Challenge his stereotyping and putdowns of 
  women. Do not laugh at jokes or comments that 
  make fun of women.

- Help the abuser recognize that dating violence 
  is a crime. Talk about the consequences of 
  violence. Abusive behaviour builds fear, not 
  love.  Physical, emotional and sexual abuse 
  are against the law.

- Help  the abuser recognize that violence is 
  not an acceptable way to solve problems.

- Get new ideas on how to help your friend from  
  people who understand about violence in 
  relationships. Phone a crisis line or a 
  womens' shelter.  All calls are confidential.

- Increase your own understanding about dating 
  violence. Read books, listen to radio shows 
  or watch television programs and videos from 
  the local library that deal with the issue.

For information on how to order a copy of the 
CD-ROM contact bcranney@womens-habitat.ca